There are many rites of passage in parenthood and most are not things that people can really explain to you. Why? Because every kid is different and every parent is different. BUT there is one thing we all have in common; the entry to daycare/preschool/kindergarten. Which ever level you are entering this rite of passage one thing is for sure:
They needed to give you the 90 Day-Care Bootcamp
Not to mention an encyclopedia on viral illnesses as well as a set of immunizations that rival that of what our armed forces receives.
What am I talking about? I’m talking about the first 90 days of hazing you go through the second you decide for whatever your reason might be that your child is going to daycare.
I know some parents that use to brush it off when I was on the nanny side of the fence and say “oh yeah mine are sick like all the time, no biggie.” Then you join that side of the mommy club and you discover it was all a front.
I have never seen so much snot, vomit, diarrhea, green boogers, rashes and ear drainage crap EVER. Daycare should have to show prospective parents a video of a child through the first 90 days. But of course they won’t because who is going to show you a video of kids wiping snot on each other, coughing on each other’s food, picking their ears and flinging it somewhere else.
They certainly are not going to show the aftermath when you take them home and infect your entire family and your house looks more like WW III just happened and you’re hugging the porcelain god just begging for mercy because your husband works in the morning (except mine had to call in because I literally could not move).
Nevermind ear tubes, emergency room visits and febrile seizures. Yup all in less than 90 days.
I’m sure there are those fortunate souls that escape such heinous acts against humanity, but if you are one keep it to yourself. Do not test the viral gods, they’ll catch up to you.
I have other parents that try to reassure me that the penance is good now and will benefit all of us later when they enter real school. For now though I’m going to try not to give them the stink eye as I chug my 4th cup of coffee and hope that I don’t fall asleep at my desk or better yet start heaving in the nearest trash can.
I remember wearing sunglasses in college meant you had one hell of a night, and if you remembered it, it was probably rockstar style. Wearing sunglasses in Mommyhood just means no amount of make-up was going to make the look of death on your face look any better that morning. For you Dads out there, I’m sorry you don’t wear make-up it does wonders!!!
So as we near the end of our 90 day Bootcamp I hope, no I vehemently pray, we are entering the neutral zone soon. A break in the viral espionage hiding in my child’s classroom.
And for you parents considering daycare, buy stock in Motrin, Tylenol, Kleenex and see if your pediatrician is going to have their own IPO soon (invest immediately if so but I haven’t found one yet). However, if I do I’m sure to make a killing off next cold and flu season. I mean when I mentioned I need the last 12 months of co-pays for my taxes they were so quick to print it, clearly I was not the first to ask…
So if you are joining the trenches try to go in armed but don’t be surprised if they manage a very well designed sneak attack. And most if all don’t feel bad, we have ALL been there.